[Intro: Emcee (E), Linda (L), Gayle (G), Musician (M), Bob (B), Lead Singer (LS) & Lead Guitar (LG)]
E: Hello, alumni of Cardinal Gennaro High!
I hope everyone's having a good time! And if you're not, I'd like to see you organize something on this budget! In this timeframe! It's been really hard!
L:All right! We're about to go on! So, setlist! We'll start with "We're the Ta Tas", and then we'll go right into "You Were All Wrong About Us", and then "Oh Boy, You All Got So Fat"—
G: And then my song?
L: Yeah yeah yeah, if we have time. Everybody ready? Feel pumped? Do you feel pumped?
M: I feel bloated
L: Good! Use it!
E: So yeah. Divorce is hard. But you know what? Ya gеt up in the morning and you— What? *Gasp*
Oh my goodness! Recеnt developments to announce! We thought they couldn't come, but they're here! Our very own Bad Hair Day!
B: What?
L: Gah!
LS:We're back where we started! It's like the talent show all over again, huh?! First place, took home the gold! And then our next gold WAS A GOLD RECORD!
LG: *Laugh*

[Verse 1: Lead Singer]
Got a Ph. D. in rock and roll
Got an Honorary Doctorate in never gettin' old
My day job is stayin' up all night
My hobby is bein' impolite
My memory is my guitar
My friends are all my seven cars
I've done home runs with all my aunts
I've never had a menstrual cramp

[Chorus: Lead Singer & Lead Guitar]
But, yeah, life's so great
We made lots of dough
We sleep all day
'Cause we won the talent show
[Verse 2: Lead Singer]
Got a G.E.D. in bein' mean
Lookin' at my horse and makin' it rain
My bachelor's in breakin' stuff
My associate's in talkin' tough
I've never had to change my pants
I've never moisturized my hands
I sleep with anyone I want
I went on a mountain in Vermont

[Outro: Lead Singer, Lead Guitar & Linda]
Thank you, little people! We're not gonna stay and mingle!
Good night!

Woo! Good luck, Taters!
Ta Tas!
Right right right