[Part I: I'll Trade You These Tears]

[Spoken: Linda & Tina]
Psst! Hey! Stage girl!
Yes?
I need you to put a rattlesnake into someone's guitar for me
Yes, ma'am

[Verse: Linda]
I'll trade you these tears for a couple of beers
And this snot for a shot of whiskey
You can kiss on these lips for a couple of sips
But you better not get too frisky-ah

[Part II: I Won't Go Solo on You]

[Intro: Emcee & Gene]
Let's hear it for Lindette! Now a brand new duo!
He used to be Lindette's partner, and she used to be a waitress who cleaned up throw-ups. Let's give a big Nashville welcome to Gayle and Jo-Gene!
We call this one "I Won't Go Solo on You"

[Verse 1: Gayle & Gene]
Well, I got to use the restroom but there ain't a stall for two
So squeeze on in and don't breathe in 'cause I won't go solo on you
*rattlesnake hisses*
Um, I think there's a snake in my guitar
Use it!
[Verse 2: Gene]
Well, I'd like to eat spaghetti but you want vindaloo
So I'll leave in a hurry and order some curry
'cause I won't go solo on you

[Chorus: Gayle & Gene]
Oh, You and me we're together through and through
So if you move to China, I'll be right behind ya
'Cause I won't go solo on you
Yeehaw!

[Outro: Emcee]
And the winner is Gayle and Jo-Gene, and that wacky snake!