[CHARLOTTE]
People might think I'm very dyke-ish
I make a big stink when I must, but goddamn
I'm just professional, never too nonchalant
If I'm a bitch, well, I am what I am!

Just call me 'Doc', don't call me 'lady'
I don't like to talk when I'm losing the game
Bachelors arrive sick and frightened
They leave weeks later, unenlightened
We see a trend, but the trend has no name

Something bad is happening
Something very bad is happening
Something stinks, something immoral
Something so bad that words have lost their meaning!
Rumors fly and tales abound
Stories echo underground!
Something bad is
Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!

[CORDELIA]
Tell me how it tastes!
Tell me if it's good!
Tell me, dear, if you'd like seconds—
[CHARLOTTE, spoken]
Stop!

[CORDELIA]
Go ahead and wound my pride

[CHARLOTTE]
Just stop

[CORDELIA]
You're feeling very sick inside, well, okay
So you've had a bad day
I don’t know what to say
Look what’s become of my doctor

She's my doctor
And I love her!
She's got passion!
She's intelligent and, Jesus Christ
A doctor!
Very wealthy
And I love her!
Doctor of internal medicine!
I'm heartsick
You’re unhappy
[CHARLOTTE]
Life is crappy

[CORDELIA]
And you always see the glass half full
I'm nervous

[CHARLOTTE]
This is fucking ridiculous!

[CORDELIA]
She's my doctor and I love her!
She's got heart!

[CHARLOTTE]
My spirits sag when I read the magazines
Men dressed in drag, next to their moms
Fashion and passion and filler
But not a word about the killer
I like the ballgowns, but Jesus Christ!

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Something bad is happening!

[CHARLOTTE]
Something very bad is happening!
Something stinks, something immoral!
Something so bad that words have lost their meaning!
Rumors fly and tales abound
Stories echo underground!
Something bad is
[CORDELIA (overlapping)]
Which she'd never say
Little things don't get in her way
What can it be?
What can it be?

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!

[CHARLOTTE]
Look, a virus has been found!
Stories echo underground!
Something bad is

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!