[JASON]
Just look at me
I'm a world-class traveler
Each Friday night
Travel travel travel
From her house to his house
First take the 104
With my computer
I am just a little kid
Not a commuter

And each Sunday night
Mother comes to get me
And I hear them fight
Everybody's yelling about the bar mitzvah
It's not a wrestling match
Why are they sweating?
It's not a funeral
What's so upsetting?

It's a celebration
Where I get presents
But everybody's yelling
And everybody's ruining it
It's a celebration
Where I get richer
But everybody's yelling
And everybody's ruining it
Everybody's ruining it
Why, oh, why?
What have I done that they'd ruin my bar mitzvah?
[JASON, MARVIN & TRINA]
What have we done that they'd (we'd) ruin my (your) bar mitzvah?

[TRINA]
I want the Applebaums
They're lovely, and they like me

[MARVIN]
They're boring
She just likes the way you dress

[MENDEL]
Well, who wouldn't?

[TRINA]
Have the Applebaums

[MARVIN]
Screw the Applebaums

[JASON]
Please don't do this!

[MARVIN]
Saul's a jerk
[TRINA]
Have them

[MARVIN]
Nix them!

[MENDEL]
Long live the Applebaums!
Arguing takes work

[JASON]
I hate this!

[MARVIN]
Blame her!
It is all a waste

[TRINA, spoken]
Ugh, you're gonna blame me?
You have paintings of dicks!

(sung)
Don't talk to me about taste

[JASON, spoken]
Stop! I don't want a bar mitzvah. Okay? I don't want a bar mitzvah!
[MARVIN & TRINA]
What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah?
What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah?
How do you think we
How do you think we
How do you think we feel about that?