[Verse 1 - Dabbla]

Yeah, I went to the Brit Awards
It was shit and I was bored, thank god I brought a bit of draw
I can't believe they let me walk through the door
I'm a five foot eleven pile of shit that spits raw
Hit the sixth floor, pure ripped jeans, bare fake tan, champagne, split screens
I don't mean to be rude, I'm just a bit lean so excuse me while I find the free food and fit beam
But look Charlotte Church (Where?!) over there!
She's pretty young, I don't care I'll say I'm 21
After all if Chris Evans can get Billie Piper in the sack, then that shit will work for almost anyone
Anyway, who's next to step up?
Rachel from S Club would definitely get fucked
Jo ain't got the flow, Tina Barrett's good to go and Hannah Spearritt's about as shabby as the next slut
Forget that
Alesha from Mystique will get freaked, even though her MC'ing is just a little bit weak
Don't speak! Holding my hand over her mouth, picturing Sarah Harding and listening to No Doubt
I feel needy for Cheryl Tweedy and it's blatant Ashley Cole ain't filling that hole
As I role, speaking to Nadine about the industry we both agree that it's about as so-so as Kimberley
Look, I would jook Kelly Brooke, I'm getting bored of the Jordan and the Jodie Marsh look
I took the number down for Jennifer Ellison, I'll be belling her, getting her to wrestle with my elephant


[Bridge - Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya cuts/sample]


[Verse 2 - Dabbla]

I still reckon Posh Beckham would get it these days, even though she's had two and another on the way
She's blatantly got a fanny like a truck drivers breakfast
She wears the trousers, her man wears the necklace
Wreckless how I'd get with Lucy Pinder, my tings are so big I'd wind her if I got up in her
Moving in and out like a ninja and I don't give a fuck if she's blonde, brunette, on or ginger
Louise Redknapp would get kidnapped, a letter sent to Jamie Redknapp to get her head back
Fuck it, Melanie Black would still get sprat and I'd snap nicky Nat Appletons backs like kit-kats
In fact, I would slap Liz Hurley, grab her by the short and curlies for acting girly
I know she's dirty, you can't avoid it so serve me
I'm about to bang her in the toilet


[Bridge - Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya cuts/sample]


[Verse 3 - Dabbla]

I'd wipe the Carol Smiley straight off the face of Kylie and make her cum twice as she don't take it lightly
Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman, I can't tell the difference between 'em but I'd pork 'em
Stalk 'em and walk 'em through the intercourse, doing all sorts of shit
Wearing nothing but a Walkman
Turn the two of them into contortionists and have 'em both lick my balls with no talks of abortion
In fact, every yat is getting tortured with the moan
From Catherine Zeta-Jones to Kate Moss to Joss Stone
I'm fatter than Vanessa Feltz on the microphone and I'll be tossing off to all of you as soon as I get home
Let it be known, Mr. Dabbla always keep it raw
London Zoo 2004, it's hardcore
Fuck the Brit Awards, molest my self on the floor
Cause I can't think of nothing else to get arrested for


[Bridge - Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya cuts/sample]