[Anne, spoken]
Hope to see you at our holiday party tonight, Joe!

[Joe, spoken]
Holiday party? God, no!

[Chorus line]
Hark, the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn king
Peace on earth, and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled

[Verse 1: Joe]
If I'm being honest it was all very harrowing
When the invite came for an evening of caroling
I don't like singing, I'm not much for conversation
And the combo of the two gave me such hesitation
I took a little something just to dull all the edges
Either that or I was certain to be jumping off the ledges
I'm really quite sorry but I'm going to admit it
I'm really so sorry, if I could I would quit it
But the fact of the matter is I did a little cocaine tonight

[Chorus line]
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas Day
[Verse 2: Joe]
I'm trying to relax but instead I keep finding
That I'm sweating from my brow and my teeth won't stop grinding
And my mouth is as dry as the sand of the Sahara-y
So I miscalculated and I chugged down a sherry
The whole room is spinning and I want to take a knee
But instead I'll sneak a bump as I hide behind the tree

I'm really very sorry that I can't stop talking
I'm so very sorry for my chirping and my squawking
But the fact of the matter is I did a little cocaine tonight

[Chorus line]
Oh, come all ye faithful
Joyful and trium--

[Verse 3: Joe]
Things started reelin', they kept getting realer
I started running low, so I called up my dealer
Twenty minutes later, the apartment door was buzzin'
When my dealer came in, I said he was my cousin
I didn't think it through, and I realized I'd been reckless
'Cause my dealer is a stealer and he left with a necklace
I truly am regretting that I did a little cocaine tonight!

[Bridge: Joe]
Oh man, here comes Anne, she's the athlete from 12G
She's the knees, of the bees, always making eyes at me
It would seem such a dream if I asked her for a dance
But I just blew a rail and I'm gonna shit my pants!
[Anne, simultaneous]
Hey there Joe, yes Joe I know
I was just about to go
I'm partied out without a doubt, when it comes to singing I can do without
Truth be told I have a cold, with a head like mine there's no denying

[Joe, simultaneous]
Hey Anne I'm Joe, yes of course you know
I don't know why I'm telling you so
I just got here and grabbed a beer, Are people singing or is it clear?
You look stunning, is your nose running? I can get a tissue if it's an issue

[Together]
If I come clean don't start a scene but in this moonlight you're such a sight
That it just feels right to admit I did a little bit of cocaine tonight

[Anne, spoken]
Do you have more?

[Joe, spoken]
I can get some!