[RAM]
Heyyyyy, 'Ronica.

[VERONICA]
Ugh. You got a left hand? Use it.

[KURT]
Don't talk mean like that.

[RAM]
You'll hurt their feelings.
You make my balls so blue.

[KURT]
You hurt them badly.

[RAM]
You make my balls so blue.

[KURT]
They're hangin' sadly.

[RAM]
What did they do to you
that you hate them so?

[KURT]
Don't run from me --
They're all beat up

[KURT & RAM]
like a tackling dummy!

[KURT]
They long for your embrace!

[RAM]
They're warm like mittens!

[KURT]
They'll curl up on your face

[RAM]
and purr like kittens!

[KURT]
You make my balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
Just look at them glow...

[RAM]
We're beggin' you!

[KURT & RAM]
Don't make my balls so blue.

[VERONICA]
Heather...? Heather...? Open the door.

[HEATHERS DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Oh no, oh no no no!

[VERONICA]
Open the door!

[HEATHERS DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Oh no, oh no no no!

[KURT]
You make my balls so blue,
so please say hello!

[RAM]
Hold 'em!

[KURT]
Enfold 'em,

[KURT & RAM]
and never let go!

[KURT]
Once you were geeky and nerdy,

[RAM]
but they knew you're dirty.

[KURT]
You've set them on fire,

[KURT & RAM]
Whatever you require they'll do!
So take 'em home to meet your parents!

[RAM]
They'll wear a suit and tie,

[KURT]
and a fancy collar!

[RAM]
They'll sing a lullaby:

[KURT & RAM]
La la la la la!
Please make these balls not blue,

[RAM]
Just for a while!

[KURT]
Can't wait till later,

[KURT & RAM]
my pants are rubbin'
like a hot cheese grater!

(VERONICA offers a bottle to RAM)

[VERONICA]
Look. Booze. Drink!

[KURT]
Aw, thank you so much!

[VERONICA]
You're welcome.

(KURT & RAM chug from the bottle)

[RAM]
They will protect you.

[KURT]
Defend you.

[RAM]
Respect you.

[KURT]
Befriend you --

[RAM]
Like Winnie-the-Pooh!

[HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA]
Winnie-the-Pooh!

[KURT]
Baby baby baby they're so blue!

[RAM]
My balls will work for you.

[KURT]
They will obey ya!

[RAM]
They really need rescue!

[KURT]
Like Princess Leia!

[KURT & RAM]
Baby, you gots to come through.

[KURT]
Teach them to smile!

[RAM, HEATHERS]
You got no clue how much
these two depend on you --
Please help them through!

[KURT & RAM]
My balls are in your court!

[MAC & DUKE]
My balls are in your court!

[KURT & RAM]
Yeah!

[MAC & DUKE]
You make them balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
You make my balls so blue!

[MAC & DUKE]
You make my balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
Ow! Ow!

[MAC & DUKE]
You make them balls so blue!

[KURT & RAM]
You make my balls so blue!

[MAC & DUKE]
You make my balls so blue!
You shake them,
you quake them,

[KURT & RAM]
Good God!

[MAC & DUKE]
You break --

[KURT & RAM]
My balls!
You make my balls so blue!

[MAC & DUKE]
You make my balls so blue!
You take them,

[KURT & RAM]
Lookit! Lookit!
Lookit! Lookit!

[MAC & DUKE]
You bake them,
Chrissake --

[KURT, RAM, MAC, DUKE]
You make my balls so blue!
Please make their dreams come true,
and make these balls not blue!