[CORNY]
And now, live from the certified, up-to-code WZZT Studios in beautiful downtown Baltimore, for the first time ever on nationwide television, it's the Corny Collins Primetime Spectacular!

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
He's Corny!

[CORNY]
Brought to you by Ultra-Clutch Hairspray!

What gives a girl power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise? No, it's hairspray
What gets a gal asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough? No, it's hairspray

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone with the wind
But if you spray it and lock it
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance?
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray
And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With Ultra Clutch faithfully

So if you're a redhead, a blond or brunette
Just take my advice and you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray, that's me

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya, doo-dle-e-ya do wah

[CORNY]
Forget the milkman, the only thing better than hairspray

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
Hairspray, wow!)

[CORNY]
That's me

What makes a man reach out and touch?
Ultra Clutch!

So if you're a redhead, a blond or brunette, ooh
Just take my advice and you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray that's me

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya, doo-dle-e-ya do wah, he's Corny Collins

[CORNY]
The only thing better than hairspray

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
Hairspray, wow!

[CORNY]
That's me

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah, do wah

Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!