Princess Peach, won't you listen to my speech
I don't have any stars of invincibility
But you're the brightest star in the sky tonight for me
I'm your Luigi

What up, bitch?! I got a 1UP, bitch!
What's inside that Question Block? It's my dick!
It's-a-me a-Mario I'm more Italian than pastrami
I'll take you by the peaches and give you the hard salami
I saved you from dragons and evil Boos that are spooky
Must I be a raccoon to get inside your Tanuki?
I will mount you like Yoshi and show you things you've never seen
My mushroom's now mega if you know what I mean
So suck it!

Mario, you always do this shit
I like a girl and you ruin it
By yelling stuff about your dick
Until they go away!

Hey, Luigi, it's okay
That Mario's a bit risqué
Just tell me what you need to say
Please don't be afraid!

Oh, Princess!
It means so much for me to hear you say that
The only thing I've ever wanted to tell you is that- God damn it

I'm here to pleasure that ass!
I'd like to go first, Princess, but I always come last
And you say we'll get together but I'm jackin' off alone
Koopa Troopa skeletons aren't the only Dry Bones!
I am tired of your run-around it's such a fuckin' hassle
I go through shit and then you're in another fuckin' castle
You gotta think about it? Well I don't believe the hype
You'll have a lot of time to think when you are smokin' on my Warp Pipe!

O-M-G! I can't decide
On which of you should be the guy
To take me on a moustache ride
That'll redefine my life

I'm ready to give love a shot
It's not about how many coins you got
I just know I like you a lot

Yo sluts! Check out my yacht!
Ugh!

Let me take you on a magic kart ride
I'll bust all yo' balloons when I smack your backside
We'll have some fun, I'll bring my friends along
I'll kick that Donkey Kong right in his konkey dong
Come on, Peach! It's time to make your choice!
I'm the only plumber that can make your boobies rejoice
Green lanky-ass brother ain't got shit on me
It's time to live out our story of the Princess and the pea (nis!)

So! Who's it gonna be, Princess?
I choose... Toad!
Toad?!
Well his whole body's shaped like a dick
Ohhhh, mhm, yeah, definitely
Oh, yeah, okay, mushrooms look like dicks, yeah-huh