[Intro: Egoraptor]
Yeah, heh, alright
Yeah, c'mon
Here we go, here we go

[Verse 1: Egoraptor & Danny Sexbang]
My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Been on the force of good since 1986, old school
I'm giving you a laid-back summertime jam
Hold on a minute, Link! Hey, what's up, old man?
I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your Ocarina to rescue the princess
But you'll need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Hey, thanks, old man, that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friеndly advice
Though I've nevеr seen a sword of quite that shape or size
Oh, wait, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise

[Chorus: Danny Sexbang]
Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean
Wait a minute, Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going?
This is a great chance to fondle old scrotum that you're blowing

[Verse 2: Egoraptor & Danny Sexbang]
That was weird, but whatever, there is no time to lose
I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled-out groove
Wait, this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more shitty
I'm at the corner of Dead Cop and Prostitute Junction
Something in my Ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do
Hold on a minute, Link! Old man, is that you?
This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Well, that's really kind of— Ah! That's your wrinkled dick again
Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men
[Chorus: Danny Sexbang & Egoraptor]
Don't be that way, bitch, let me introduce you
To my three best friends, Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
If you save the princess Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo-jabber?
(Oh my God!)

[Verse 3: Egoraptor & Danny Sexbang]
I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am
Hold on a minute, Link! Goddamn it, old man!
You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take—

[Outro: Egoraptor & Danny Sexbang]
No! Fuck you! Fuck you!
I'm not giving you a-
I'm not touching your w-
Stop! Stop the music!
Stop the chilled-out groove!
Geez!
You come in here tellin' me you got a wee-wee weapon
That's ridiculous man! That doesn't even exist!
Now get out of here and it's gross to look at!
Sicko!
So is that a no on the handjob or...?
Okay