[TEMPLETON, spoken]
I'm staying right here. I haven't the slightest interest in fairs

[GOOSE, spoken]
That's because you've never been to one. You can creep out late at night and find a fantastic banquet!

(Sung)
A fair is a veritable smorgasbord-orgasbord-orgasbord
After the crowds have ceased
Each night when the lights go out it can be found on the ground all around
Oh, what a ratly feast!

[TEMPLETON, spoken]
Is this true? Is this appetizing yarn of yours true?

(sung)
Will I find
Melon rinds and bits of hot dogs
Cookie crumbs and rotten cotton candy
Melted ice cream, mustard driplings
Moldy goodies everywhere?

[GOOSE]
Yes, yes

[TEMPLETON]
Lots of popcorn, apple cores
Banana peels and soggy sandwiches
And gobs of gorgeous gook to gobble at the fair?
[GOOSE]
Yes, yes, yes

[TEMPLETON, spoken]
I like high living but you say tempts me

[GOOSE, spoken]
It's true. Go to the fair, Templeton

[TEMPLETON, spoken]
You mean tin cans with particles of tuna fish stuck into 'em? Greasy paper bags stuffed with rotten eggs?

[GOOSE, spoken]
Yep, yep, yep

[TEMPLETON, spoken]
Don't tell me anymore! I'm going!

[TEMPLETON & GOOSE]
A fair is a veritable smorgasbord-orgasbord-orgasbord
After the gates are shut
Each night when the lights go out it can be found on the ground all around
That's where a rat can glut, glut, glut, glut!

[TEMPLETON, spoken]
The goose was right. This fair is a rat's paradise. This will be a night to remember!
(sung)
A fair is a veritable smorgasbord-orgasbord-orgasbord
After the crowds have ceased
Each night when the lights go out it can be found on the ground all around
Oh, what a ratly feast!
Melon rinds and bits of hot dogs
Cookie crumbs and rotten cotton candy
Melted ice cream, mustard driplings
Moldy goodies everywhere
Lots of popcorn, apple cores
Banana peels and soggy sandwiches
And gobs of gorgeous gook to gobble at the fair
A fair is a veritable smorgasbord-orgasbord-orgasbord
After the gates are shut
Each night when the lights go out it can be found on the ground all around
That's where a rat can glut, glut, glut, glut!