[Verse 1: Dancers]
A gentleman's got a walking stick
A seaman's got a gaff
And the Merry Men of Robin Hood
They used their quarterstaff
On the Spanish plains inside their canes
They hide their ruddy swords
But we make do with an old bamboo
And everyone applauds!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, hey!

[Chorus]
Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo
You better never bother with me ol' bamboo
You can 'ave me 'at or me bumbershoot
But you better never bother with me ol' bamboo

[Verse 2: Dancers and Caractacus]
When punting on the beautiful Thames-
-You use a sturdy pole
To protect their fair complexion-
-Ladies use a parasol
It's useful in the underbrush-
-to have a hefty spear
Right!
But what we do with an ol' bamboo
Makes everybody cheer!
One, two, three, ho!

[Chorus]
Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo
You better never bother with me ol' bamboo
You can 'ave me 'at or me bumbershoot
But you better never bother with me ol' bamboo

[Dancer]
'Ave a go, mate!

[Verse 3: Dancers and Caractacus]
A flyer in an "aerioplane"
He steers it with a stick
He does?
A collier in the pits o' Wales
He leans upon his pick
That's right!
[ALL]
Now every wheel of an automobile
Revolves around a shaft (Hey!)
But what we do with an old bamboo
Makes everyone go daft!

One, two
[Chorus]
Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo
You better never bother with me ol' bamboo
You can 'ave me 'at or me bumbershoot
But you better never bother with me ol' bamboo

[Interlude]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, hey!
And a one, two, three, four, and a five, and six, and a seven, ho!

[Chorus]
Me ol' bamboo, me ol' bamboo
You better never bother with me ol' bamboo
You can 'ave me 'at or me bumbershoot
But you better never bother with me ol' bamboo
You better never bother with me ol' bamboo