[Verse 1]
Unfortunately, I am
My own dog, my own fur companion
My own old lady on a forum
Who types in glittery decorum
Unfortunately, I take
Myself out walking every day and
I hand my legs to the feet and
I give my head to the leash

[Chorus]
Every other day I'm wondering
"What's a human being gotta be like?
What's a way to just be competent?"
These sweet instincts ruin my life
Every other day I’m wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I'm certain's mad incompetence?
These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Verse 2]
I can't smell well, or tеll the time, I'm
Not K through 8, nor K dash 9
For human, grossly underqualifiеd
For canine, grossly overqualified
I don't blend in at PetSmart
And that truth holds true at the Walmart
In either case, they say to me
"What the fuck is lost in aisle 3?"
[Chorus]
Every other day I'm wondering
"What's a human being gotta be like?
What's a way to just be competent?"
These sweet instincts ruin my life
Every other day I'm wondering
"Was it a mistake to try and define
What I'm certain's mad incompetence?"
These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Verse 3]
Just watch me, moving far away, where
Nobody even knows my name
No one suspects that I'm not fine, and
Nobody outs behavioral Frankenstein
Just look at Victor in LA
And Syd with the "y" at U of A
And all the majors at the labels
I'm rebooting soon as I am able

[Chorus]
Every other day I'm wondering
"What's a human being gotta be like?
What's a way to just be competent?"
These sweet instincts ruin my life
Every other day I'm wondering
"Was it a mistake to try and define
What I'm certain's mad incompetence?"
These sweet instincts ruin my life
[Outro]
Da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da, da
Da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da
These sweet instincts ruin my life
Da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da, da
Da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da