[Verse 1]
Oh, oh deary me
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed
I tell him he should get up 'cause it's nearly half past three
He can't be bothered 'cause he's high on THC
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea
I can't even see him 'cause his room is so smoky
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV
My baby brother, Alfie, how I wish that you could see

[Verse 2]
Oh Alfie, get up, it's a brand new day
I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid
Get off your lazy arse, Alfie, please use your brain
Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray
I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid
When all you do is stay and play on your computer games?

[Outro]
Oh, little brother, please refrain from doing that
I'm tryna help you out so can you stop being a twat
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat
And look me in the eyes, take off that stupid fitted cap