BILLY JOEL (spoken):

Yo, this is Billy Joel. How you doin'? Let me tell you about my life

(sung, to the tune of "My Life")

Ooh...
Got a call from a weird lady, calls herself Twyla
Said she wanted my songs for a modern ballet
Twyla said she'd immortalize me in a style-a
(?) rock and roll could enjoy in L.A
"Movin' Out" came about, now it plays in a strange place
And my songs are performed by a rock-and-roll elf
While a dancer contorts with his crotch in his own face
I don't think it's okay that he plays with himself...

I never said you could make "Uptown Girl" a disco dance
I never wrote "The Longest Time" for Twinkies in tight pants
You got me wrong, I don't belong
I'm not a Broadway fan of Jerry Herman

I don't care, Twyla Tharp, that we both won a Tony
Rock-and-roll (?) is too fancy for me
All your guys are too buff, and your girls are too bony
Use The Beatles and call your new show "Let It Be"
Ooh...