What if John Lennon were still alive today
And he had not been shot?
The general consensus is that that would be nice
But I dare to say that it might not

He'd hang around with Geldof doing Live Aid and the like
Oh, I'm glad John Lennon died

Now before you start to boo me and say that I'm a cunt
Perhaps I should explain
He last wrote a good song in 1971
And he never sang a decent thing again

His music in the 80s would have sounded like Crowded House
Oh, I'm glad John Lennon died

And here's a thought
Imagine if he made a guest appearance
As a panellist on Never Mind The Buzzcocks?
All his contributions would be painfully bad
And to see him look so past it would be really sad

He'd always be on Twitter making really racist jokes
Oh, I'm glad John Lennon died

[whistling]
In 1990 Yoko would have killed him anyway
Oh, I'm glad John Lennon died

And by the way I wonder
Did you ever stop to think about
Whatever would have happened to McCartney?
Everyone would still be saying "Paul is dead"
And they would have named the airport after him instead

Imagine if he instead of Neil Buchanan presented Art Attack
Oh, I'm glad John Lennon died