Are you sitting comfortably?
Can you hear me from back there?
Have you had a drink? Have you been to the toilet?
Are you comfy in your chair?
Do you like the person next to you
If you don't, please let me know
Because if you're not sitting comfortably
Then I can't get on with the show

Do you need to sneeze or blow your nose
Don't suppress the urge to cough
If you're cold then put a jumper on
If you're hot, take it back off
What are you doing with your hands?
Are they by your sides or on your knees?
Are you fiddling with them or holding something?
Do with them as you please

Does anything itch like your arms or your back
Or your eyes or your neck or your chin?
Are you blinking just the right amount?
Are you concentrating on your breathing out and in?

Are you slouching? Can your neighbour smell you?
Are you farting now and then?
Are your legs in front of you, or are they crossed?
And do you need to piss again?
Have you achieved your life's ambitions yet?
If you haven't let me know
But I'll assume you're sitting comfortably
And we'll get on with the show