When I'm with my clubber friends
I take reluctantly whatever drugs they put in my hand
And when I'm with my nerd friends
I laugh at references I don't understand

And when I'm with my football mates
I sit there quietly and wait
Until they're not talking about football

But when I'm alone
I go into my kitchen and I eat it all out
When I'm alone
I sit at my computer and I fart my brains out
When I'm alone
I click on sites you won't believe
Why am I deleting my history
Who am I trying to deceive

And when I'm with my stoner friends
We go to munchie heaven and I eat all the jam
And when I see my ex-girlfriend
I tell her all about how happy I am

And when I'm with my political mates
I sit there quietly and I wait
Until they're not talking about football
But when I'm alone
I curl up on the floor and I pretend I'm dying
When I'm alone
I masturbate at my own reflection crying
When I'm alone
I get confused and upset
I look my ex up on the internet

La la la la la la

And then I make myself sick
To make the voices go away
And then I eat up the sick
To make the voices all come back
And when I'm alone
I see how drunk I can get
I look myself up on the internet