Can I interest anyone in my sofa?
It's cheap but it requires some extra care
It gets rather sweaty between the cushions
So be sure to keep it clean down there

Sorry about the rash from where I've been sitting
And the blisters from where I spilt bolognese
By the way, it's not normally this hairy
I've not shaved it now for several days

And if you do decide to wax it
Please exfoliate
To avoid ingrowing hair
And leave the curtains closed or
It'll get a sunburn
Peeling everywhere
Ooh, it's got a nipple

It will keep you warm like no other sofa
But it comes out in goosebumps when it's cold
All stains come right out with soap and water
Not too bad for 89 years old

And don't sit there for too long
Or you'll get a puddle
Underneath your thighs
I hope somebody takes it
I don't want to know what
Happens when it dies
Skin sofa, skin sofa
Eurgh eurgh eurgh eurgh
Eurgh eurgh eurgh eurgh