[PARENT 1]
You gotta crush a kid's dreams
To watch them fly
You gotta take their wings
And rip 'em off
And when they ask you why
You tell them:

"You are not good at this,
You gotta do something else
So take that dream you have
And put it on a fucking shelf"

[BRADLEY (spoken)]
Uh, hi dad! What did you think?

[PARENT 1 (spoken)]
Bradley?

[BRADLEY (spoken)]
Yeah?

[PARENT 1 (spoken)]
Stop!

[BRADLEY (spoken)]
What? Talking?

[PARENT 1 (spoken):]
Yes!

[BRADLEY (spoken)]
So you can tell me how great it was?

[PARENT 1]
You were bad!

[BRADLEY (spoken)]
No, what?!

[PARENT 1]
"Bad" doesn't describe what you did
Because "bad" is a thing that is better
Than what you did
Which was total shit

I don't want you to act anymore
In fact, go home right now!

[BRADLEY (spoken)]
You drove me!

[PARENT 1]
No, I'm gonna have to find your own way back

[PARENT 1 (spoken)]
Guys, that was hard but I'm glad I did it!
Oh, your kids are coming out

[PARENTS 2 & 3 (spoken)]
Oh no

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
Hey mom!

[PARENT 2 (spoken)]
Oh, hi sweetheart

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
Did you hear my solo?

[PARENT 2]
I did
And it hurt my ears

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
What?

[PARENT 2]
Made my ears feel bad

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
Wha-huh?

[PARENT 2]
Watching you try and fail
So totally bad
It made me really sad

So why don't you
Stop what you're doing
I wish we could take back this night

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
Oh my god

[PARENT 2]
If you think that that was okay
Then you were definitely not right

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
Okay, well just drive me home!

[PARENT 2 (spoken)]
Nope, find your own way home!

[UNNAMED CHILD (spoken)]
Wait, what?!

[PARENT 2 (spoken)]
Oh you're right, it's so freeing!

[PARENT 1 (spoken)]
It hurts, but you have to do it . You're gonna feel so much better afterwards.

[PARENT 3 (spoken)]
I hope so cause I couldn't feel worse right now.

[PARENT 2 (spoken)]
Here come your football twins!

[PARENT 3 (spoken)]
Oh no!

[STEVE (spoken)]
Hey dad!
It's me, Steve!

[KEVIN (spoken)]
And it's me, Kevin!

[STEVE (spoken)]
I really felt like I-I felt like emotionally connected to the world like I never have before
Kevin you were great!

[KEVIN (spoken)]
Steve you were great!
I really felt like we were blossoming out of our shells and realizing new parts of our -

[PARENT 3 (spoken)]
Shut up you two!

[TWINS (spoken)]
What?!

[PARENT 3 (spoken)]
I got something to tell you
And I'm gonna tell ya, in one second

[STEVE (spoken)]
What?
Oh my god he's really gearing up!
There's steam coming out of his ears!

[PARENT 3]
Well you should be ashamed

[STEVE (spoken)]
Huh?!

[PARENT 3]
Cause I know I am

[TWINS (spoken)]
No!

[PARENT 3]
When I saw you prancin' around that stage
I wanted to get swallowed by a giant clam
I am just sick
Sick to my guts!

[TWINS (spoken)]
Not to your guts!

[PARENT 3]
You've gotta quit this nonsense
and there's no if's and's or but's

[TWINS (spoken)]
Whoa!

[PARENT 3]
I can't stand what I just saw
And that other people saw it, too!
You shouldn't be on stage
You should be in a goddamn zoo!

[KEVIN (STEVE)]
Wow, dad (dad!)
You really hurt our pride (yeah)
But would you please
At least give us
A ride! (A ride!)

[PARENT 3]
No!

[TWINS]
Whoa!

[PARENT 3]
You gotta find your own way home!
There's no way I'm gonna put you in my car
And let you roam around the neighborhood!

[PARENT 1]
Didn't that feel good?

[PARENT 2]
Yeah it felt great!
And don't you feel free?
Now that we've crushed their dreams!

[PARENT 1]
And most importantly
No matter who we are
Going home
We're gonna have so much

[ALL PARENTS]
Room in the car! Yeah!