Off Book Cast
Wetzel's Pretzels
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY (spoken)]
Well, we’ve got a lotta kinds of pretzels
[DIETER (spoken)]
No, I’d like und Wetzel’s Pretzel.
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY]
That you might like to try!
Don’t be so sure
Of what kind of pretzel you want
[DIETER (spoken)]
No, I want und Wetzel’s Pretzsel.
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY]
Some pretzels are the normal kind
Some pretzels have a zest of an orange rind
Some zestels will help you see the future
Some Wetzel’s Pretzels have the zest of kombucha
[GROUPIES (WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY)]
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
(Listen to the customer!)
Wetzel’s Pretzels (Yeah), they’re amazing
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
[DIETER (spoken)]
No, I’d just like und regular Wetzel’s Pretzsel.
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY (spoken)]
Sure, let me do that… and uh, okay, one Wetzel’s Preztel…
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY]
I can dip it in a powder
[DIETER (spoken)]
No
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY]
A powder of bee pollen
Sing about what you want, no need to be stallin’
I can dip it in vitamin C and give you a boost
This Wetzel’s Pretzels is also owned by a Jamba Juice
We got Vitamin C, other supplements
We got acai berry it makes no sense
You can put it on a hotdog
You can put it on a bun
When it comes to Wetzel’s Pretzels
We’re the only one that does this
[GROUPIES (WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY)]
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
(Independently owned)
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
(Not following corporate rules)
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
(Everybody talkin’ bout)
Wetzel’s Pretzels (Wetzel’s Pretzels)
They’re amazing
[DIETER (spoken)]
No, just und regular Wetzel’s Pretzel.
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY]
Absolutely, that’ll be 2.99
[DIETER (spoken)]
Oh - oh actually, I do need two Wetzsel’s Pretzels
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY (spoken)]
Okay, that’ll be 6… 0… five eighty ninty eight, that'll be
Wait
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY]
Would you like to add a lemonade?
A lemonade on the side?
Not a normal lemonade
There’s a lemonade with something to hide
There’s a lemonade that’s full of vodka
There’s a lemonade that’s full of gin
You want a lemonade to fuckin’ knock your socks off
This is where to begin
[GROUPIES (WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY)]
Wetzel’s Pretzels (Wetzel’s Pretzels), they’re amazing
(We’ve got a liquor license)
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
(Technically not a bar)
Wetzel’s Pretzels, they’re amazing
(Listen to the customers)
Wetzel’s Pretzels (Wetzel’s Pretzels)
We are drunk
[GROUPIE (spoken)]
I’m so drunk on Wetzel’s Pretzels!
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY (spoken)]
Just two pretzels then?
[DIETER (spoken)]
Yes, please.
[WETZEL’S PRETZELS GUY (spoken)]
Well, had to try!