[Verse 1]
I have a theory dear, so let me put it past
I have to check it's valid though I know you didn't ask
You don't like to kiss me, no you don’t like to kiss
'Cause my beard is way too itchy and it scratches up your lips
But I can't shave it off - I'm too self-conscious of the fact
I have a scar above my lip that my beard and mustache mask
And I have a scar above my lip 'cause I once smashed up on a curb
Flew over both my handlebars and straight into the dirt
And I didn't have a helmet on, 'cause that was way back when
I was too damn cool for safety rules or simple common sense
So if I now remember right by the transitive rule…
Darling, you don't like to kiss me, 'cause I'm too damn cool

With tired eyes she stared at me. "It's 3 am", she said
"Bug, be glad I love you. You're a goober. Go to bed."

[Chorus]
You love my quirks, my quirks, the dopey way I flirt
You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves
You love my quirks, my quirks, I'm certain you deserve
A handsome hunk, but now you're stuck with this annoying nerd

[Verse 2]
You put up with more than most would mind
The time it takes to rise and shine
I'm hittin' snooze at 6:05, 6:15 and six more times
You don't mind the way I weigh my food
My morning routine which includes
Scrambling to find my keys 'cause I can't leave them out in view
Even though you bought that bowl
Put it right beside the door
And all I have to do is set them there as soon as I get home
Instead I'm flippin' up the couch and -
Oh hey there they are, I found 'em!
Have a great day and oh, have you seen my wallet?