[Verse 1]
I met a girl named "Beth"
She's a total fucking mess
And she let's me lick her chest
Put my head between her breasts
Put my face between her legs
We'll be rocking back the bed
Then we'll go back to IKEA
And replace the one that's dead
To Lidl and to Morrisons
Tryna get the shopping done
Feed our only son
Although all of the money's gone
Make the life, we wanted one
Make too many problems wrong
Struggle to sort out anyone
Even the therapist's gone

[Chorus]
Oh Beth, what works it doesn't
Oh Beth, motherfucker is my cousin

[Verse 2]
Dick, I have a long one
Sex appeal's long gone
Can't get up my ding-dong
So I wrote this love song
Saying Beth's the only one
Misery, it makes me strong
Problems we have overcome
Even if you know my mom
When you saying your last name, it's like you're cleaning greens
Nothing you will ever say will change the way I feel
Even when we're all but broken, all I'll do is heal
'Cause, motherfucker, I'm in love with Beth Broomfield

[Chorus]
Oh Beth, what works it doesn't
Oh Beth, motherfucker is my cousin
Oh Beth, what works it doesn't
Oh Beth, can I be your husband?