Help yourself to pretzels
Help yourself to the minibar
I couldn't help myself
I read a self-help book
Now I've gone too far
Too far gone
Unrecognisable
Frightened of the message light
On the phone on the bedside table

Where is Gilligan's Island?
Where do germs come from?
Don't open the curtains
I'm allergic to sun...

Room 29
I heard them say
"Is the only place to stay"
Room 29
Is where I'll face
Myself alone

A comfortable venue for a nervous breakdown
A front row seat for a psychic shakedown
I just had to laugh:
Got so screwed up
Is there anything sadder than a hotel room that hasn't been fucked in?
I'd like to get a piece of that
But I need an introduction
I read an actress used to party in this place
And do drugs off the piano
If I lick will it still taste?
A lifetime of spectating leaves you impotent
Unable to join in without a frame of reference
Watching the playback after the event

Room 29
I heard them say
"Is the only place to stay"
Room 29
Is where I'll face
Myself alone

Holly has never grown here
Though someone once tried
But it died, almost immediately:
The climate was too dry
Yeah, this whole place is built on a lie
But what a lie:
The kind of lie that has the entire Western world agog
'Cos no one ever got turned on
By the Whole Earth Catalog

Unhealthy, unfair
And extremely entertaining
Room 29
Is where I'll face
Myself alone
Alone