Hello, what’s this?
Another little weekday evening kiss?
Another little “nothing ever after”, nothing more?
And lo, but no! What bliss
Another jolly jaunt through the abyss
Another little knock-me-out and roll me out the door

By Christ, you are delectable
So hop up on to this pedestal
I’ll stick you up in pride of place
And with that you wound your tentacles
Around my lonely ventricles
And drew me into your embrace

And now, oh gosh, m’dear
What the devil happened to my year?
Another little digit on my lifespan, what a bore
And what once was fresh and green
Now marches in the ranks of the obscene
This whole transfiguration thing is such a chore

There was a time when men were hunters and kings
Hewn from granite, clothed in vanquished skin
But I am occupied by less valorous things
Like macchiatos and feathered hair
And just what brand of scent to wear
And I’m miles past the point of giving in
So don’t give me that look
You know you’ve got me wriggling on your hook
I am the ocean, clawing madly at your moon
And with one wanton whoop
I melt into a sycophantic soup
And all that’s left to do is giggle, fawn and swoon

Wait! Bugger this for a game of soldiers
I’ll save the misery ‘til I get older
So take your evil face away, okay?
Hold your tongue. Stop that snarling
And cease to darken my doorstep, darling
I’ll herald your departure with a great big hip-hip (Hip-hip!) hooray

So now I’m free of this
Get these shackles off my wrists
And show me something, show me anybody please
Another flavour of the week
Another bit of lipstick on the cheek
And here we go, “Hello, floor. Have you met my knees?”

There was a time when I would rush to decry
Those specimens that grunt and beat their chests
But now, my dear, the worm has turned and the truth is that I
Am ready for damnation, soaked in shame and perspiration
Oh, and baby, I am just like all the rest