[MISS ANDREW]
These children have been spoiled!
I've arrived here just in time
By chance I brought the punishment
That best befits the crime

Brimstone and treacle and codliver oil
Liberal doses of each!
These are the treats from which children recoil
The lessons I'm going to teach
Just follow my model and don't molly-coddle
It may lead the irksome to irk
So seek satisfaction from punitive action!
Brimstone and treacle will work

(spoken)
Open!

[MICHAEL]
Does it taste as bad as it smells?

[MISS ANDREW]
Worse!

[JANE]
Do I have to?
[MISS ANDREW]
Open!

[MICHAEL]
Eugh!

[MISS ANDREW, sung]
Brimstone and treacle and carbolic soap
These are the tools of my trade
With spoonfuls of sugar you don't have a hope
Of seeing that changes are made

Where matters are chronic
My tinctures to tonic
That's certain to wipe off a smirk
Just pour out a ration
In matronly fashion
Brimstone and treacle will work!

I won't stand for simpering, whinging, and whimpering
Sucking of thumbs is absurd!
Observe every letter for children are better
When they can be seen and not heard!

(spoken)
Your son will go to boarding school at once! As for the girl, I shall take charge of her myself
(sung)
To cosset and pamper
Will hinder and hamper
The child in whom bad habits lurk
First threaten to throttle
Then uncork the bottle
Brimstone and treacle will work

Brimstone and treacle will work!