[Verse 1: Dr. Eggman]
You're a fool to fight with Ivo Robotnik
This will be easy as pie with all my mind has accomplished
"Doctor, I have a problem, I’m as cocky as Sonic!"
Then I prescribe 5 missiles that I've locked in from my cockpit
Now BEHOLD! This is how an egg runs shop
I don't need an emerald to wreck a hedge-fund-hog
You’re a giant in the shadow of a doll that's 5'4
'Cuz no one would bear witness to the Ultimate Eyesore
I'm the greater thinker: this inventor hypothesizes
Jack's already been lobotomized, now I'll robotocize him
Take ya' big thumb, I’ll show you a space to insert
Step to me, I’ll step on you until your name's the Pink Blur
Jack Horner, get back in the corner, stay in a sulk
And that’s an order you manbaby, you wait 'till you're told
I'm Midas touched so like the Olympics, I’m taking the gold
You're uncontrollable, chaotic, I am chaos controlled

[Verse 2: Jack Horner]
This guy is a grand inventor?
One rodent could blow up all his grand endeavors
I don't intend to sit here and withstand a lecture
From a man who rocked up looking like a band director
Nicknamed the Eggman, boy, how'd you get that?
Is it 'cuz every machine you make will break fast?
Humpty Dumpty with a big stache gon' be dead last
When I crack his head, scramble him in my next batch
How about you calculate the redundancy of a theme park in space?
People can scream from just one look at your face
Doesn't it sting? The whole of Mobius loathes you
Dozens of rings, yet no one you could propose to
How did Gerald's grandson become an utter bore?
Kidnap Elise again, you two deserve each other more
What would grandpa think, seeing you fail at love and war?
Maria's shelf life ain't as sad as what you've done with yours
[Verse 3: Dr. Eggman]
Keep that weak spiel going, see if I care
I'll make fleets from the harmless creatures that fill your nightmares
My perfect mind will always beat your mystic arts
I'm done whizzing on the moon, now I'm pissing on your wishing star
You're about as subtle as a baby brown bear
So get Amy down from there, Mr. Lazy Town hair
I run at a pace not even the speed of sound dares
Don't you stare down with me, you can't make it downstairs
You're not a mob boss, can it, Lord Smallquads
Love life is like Excalibur, you cannot get your rocks off
I'm dominating, down a potion you can compensate with
And get filled with more toxic chemicals than one John Mulaney
Parents thought you'd be met with applaud on stage for their business
Now the only noise you're hearing is from crickets

[Verse 4: Jack Horner & The Ethical Bug]
Jack, leave the man alone, he's too old to fight you
You're right, baldy needs to make-a-wish more than I do
Wha-, pu-put yourself in his shoes at least
I would, but my feet aren't the shape of size 50 toucan beaks
I've had some bad accomplices and watched them die next to me
But those dalek nipples are by far the worst accessory
With your mean bean machine you can't prove jack
Except like your little plans, you should've never been hatched
Run off with your army of prototypes and then get a pro to type
You've got no bars left since prison island got pulverized
Before you leave for your mushroom planet, and get stranded in it
Take him to the trophy room, I pronounced this battle... finished