[Intro]
We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

[Verse 1]
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns
A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
He's seen the love inside of you
'Cause he's a piece of poo

[Verse 2]
Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown (Mmhmm!)
But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town!
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you
I can make a Mr. Hankey too! (Pffffft)
[Intermission]
Cartman: Well Kyle, where is he?
Kyle: Ehh... He's coming!
Stan: Come on dude, push!
Kyle: Ehhhh... I'm trying!
Cartman: Wait, wait I can see his head!
Kyle: Here he comes!
[POP!]
Mr. Hankey: Howdy Ho!

[Verse 3]
I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons Greetings to all of you!
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas Time has come!

[Verse 4]
Sometimes he's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And won't fall in the toilet
Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he won't drop off... and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet
And finally it dooooeees
[Verse 5]
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on
Howdy Ho!