[MR. GARRISON]
I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there Mr. Muslim!
Merry fucking Christmas!
Put down that book the Quran
And hear some holiday wishes!

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus' birthday!
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
And fucking celebrate!

There is no holiday season
In India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!
They've never read a Christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist!
Merry fucking Christmas!
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus!

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus' birthday!
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
And fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin

On December 25
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist!
Merry fucking Christmas!
God is gonna kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum!
In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do!
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you

On Christmas Day
I travel 'round the world and say
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too
Merry Fucking Christmas to you!

(Clapping) Thank you Mr. Hat