[Cruger]
Don't Flop, Christmas Card
Who's ready for this next battle?
Make some noise!
We've got a very special one right now
It's a one-rounder, it was set up on five days prep
Cause unfortunately the er- who dropped out?
Juan - Juan dropped out
Well I mean it was supposed to be him [points at Harry] and Rob Wilson
Blah blah blah, but now it's a one rounder with Soljitsu so we're going to get into this right now!
OK!
On the left, we got Harry Baker, make some noise!
And on the right, we got Soljitsu
First round it's on Harry Baker we're gonna get right into this shit
[Harry Baker]
Figured that it's Christmas right?
So I'd get started with that cracker shit
Was meant to team up with the league's best ginger rapper
[J-Short]
Yeah, Cracker's shit
[Harry Baker]
You're drier than a sandwich of sand with silica gel in-between crackers is
And just bring very little presence, bad jokes, and dodgy hats and this
Wait - very little presents? Bad jokes? Dodgy hats?
That's like a cracker, shit
[Reading joke from cracker] What dog doesn't bark?
A hot dog
Bars
They said how do you feel about battling Soul?
I was like whoa, big news
A title match, Harry Baker vs Soul, it's due
He'll lose that relatively new chain like they just sold Itsu
They said no, Soljitsu
Known for exposing dudes
I thought well, I better not wear any old, shit shoes
Cause you are more annoying than having to sneeze with no tissues
You are more annoying than karaoke with note issues
I didn't know whether to write bars or jokes for you so Baker brought the best of both like Hovis do
[Singing] Cause on the first day of the Christmas Card, Bamalam sent to me
Someone who doesn't prep properly for battles
And then on the second day of the Christmas Card, I couldn't help but see
He's got another battle
See when I got this with five days prep I thought, "Excellent - I'll try and set some time aside and put a little bit of effort in."
When you got this with five days prep he thought, "Excellent - I'll do another round about how I didn't prep for this."
Cause Michael White, HK, ain't worth the ink from your pen
But then Seventh Birthday, main stage, you did it again
The biggest battle of your life
Why should that be different unless
You were saving yourself for a last minute one-rounder at the Christmas event
Cause I watched Soljitsu vs 100 Bulletz
Here's what I know through this
Main stage battles are like Helena Bonham-Carter's lawyers settled at once with her partner
They don't sue Tim
And that is one of the differences with this blagger and me
How we've reacted to the chances that we've had in the league
Cause bullets shouldn't be a problem with a man from the street
But you got given the shot, and couldn't handle the heat
I've battled O'Shea, Pamflit, Matter
Making big steps with vets
You're just another newbie getting sunned
Like insects did sex
We've both been here a couple of years
10 battles or so it's blessed
But you are the worst opponent I have had to date
And I am his best
This is why this has got the feeling of an American card
This got confirmed, he was like, "Cor, vet!"
Cause he was like, "Cor, vet!" like an American car
I was like, "Che, rookie!", like an American car
Like an American car
See if you think we must hang like American cars
You rap like you can't afford focus
Like a camera enthusiast that wants to buy an expensive lens
Or an American car
Because - oh this is where it gets exciting
Cause I've forgotten what I'm writing
We all knew this
When you choke it's kinda whack bruv
When I choke, Quill promised that he'd have it as back up
Where is Quill?
There is Quill
[Quill]
And I was like hi though
You were joking
I'm that type of bloke
I can go to the bar
I can grab you some Cokes
That's a couple bars that you're having for Sol
Now you can carry on with the flow
[Harry Baker]
Yeah
[Soljitsu]
I rate that, I rate that, I rate that
[Harry Baker]
You're basically a polished turd that never brings a polished third
Your first rounds are amazing
Your last rounds are terrible
Today that is the same thing so this could be incredible
But thank you for stepping in
Juan and Rob stay ducking
Cause they're next on the menu
Soljitsu stay ducking
When he enters the venue
Cause you can't fit through doorways properly
When you walk into newsagents you get accused of snobbery
Because you're looking down on their top shelf pornography
So I have no idea, if you're a real fucking skeng man
But you are the same height as Luol fucking Deng man
Soldier dips in and out of yolks like a boiled fucking egg man
And I was big on the slam poetry scene in Germany in 2014 like Julia fucking Engelmann
Google das
Yet still you wouldn't find a bigger plank in all of B&Q
I make the crowd screw face like they sort of need a poo
Leaving them awkwardly bemused is all you seem to do
So now I'm removing sole like orthapaedic shoes
Nah I'm removing Soul like punching Caustic forced the league to do
Removing sole like you've got - Removing sole like you've got served fish when you're a vegan dude
Removing soul like that moment you die your aura's leaving you
So they'll need to bring him Back to Life like Soul II Soul lyrics
Cause if Sol's ever been consistent then Sol's the sole witness
Even at his best I only fuck with some of Sol's disses
So he's still getting sunned at his peak like summer solstices
Cause you're from Redbridge
Redbridge
Known for its award winning parks and open spaces
Redbridge
Yet he walks around with that golden gait
That's a red bridge
You have the swagger of an incredibly awkward poet from Bristol called Tim Ledwitch
Shoutout Tim Ledwitch
And if you don't know who Tim Ledwitch is I just made that up to make my punchline sound edgy as shit
Nah he is real though
You called out Juan
Then battled Juan
Then called out Lethal Bizzle
He couldn't make it today
But he sent a poet from the streets of Bristol so
Pow! You don't know about me
Pow! I'm Harry to the B
Pow! It's fun to rhyme pars but in Leeds P Solja took away my hood and grime pass
And to finish
I now have a question about his erection
This is not something I say often
But when you get a boner do you call it The Rock?
Because that's another name for Dwayne's Johnson
Do you?
It doesn't matter if you do!
[Soljitsu]
You know what
First of all
Fuck Danny Jaqq
He said that Frankie Phraser is a real fucking skeng man
He's not - he's a real fucking pen man
I'll say it again
Fuck - no I won't
Anyway
Harry Baker
Howdy neighbour
I watched your battle with O'Shea and I agree
Your nan's a Gary taker
Your dad is Danny Baker
And if you ran into Mark Grist you would form a pack of Quavers
He said that I swear
I wholeheartedly apologise for my last performance
I know it's a tad bit late
But they have given me Harry Baker
So I gotta say thanks to Bam today
Cause this has come as a massive favour
Seeing that our styles compliment each other like
Danny J vs Frankie Phraser
I took a leaf out of Pamflit's page
Just to say that I rap it greater
When I'm multi-ing Harry Baker with Harry Baker
Cause Harry Baker rhymes with Harry Baker
I'm gonna keep rhyming Harry Baker with Harry Baker
Until I remember what I actually wrote for Harry Baker
No, real shit
I won't get caught, no
I usually rap about how the grams of 'caine brang me major stacks of paper
Or I talk about guns
But in this crowd, guns shock, n***a that's a taser
For battles I usually prep the day before the battle day or actually later
But this-
But this time it was two days' prep
You can thank me later
Actual bakers need to make dough, to make dough
So they knead, to make dough, to make dough
With ease
This Baker makes dough with poetry
I make dough by growing trees
Not the smoking trees
That coca leaf
That makes the product with the potent seeds
To turn motherfuckers into overdosing fiends
I could do bars
I could do jokes
But I'm doing bad bars
Jokingly
Cause I know this league
They always want the goon bag to go- to put on the show with geeks
But I'm neither or because I chose my niche
Don't Flop made it cool for- nah sorry
Don't Flop made it cool for nerds to chat that shit
And talk that smack in a rapper's face
K-Shine has given the green light to not take that shit
By smacking a rapper's face
So stick to your poetry
Let me explain
You cross the line
You'll get smacked back to your lane
So fuck a poetry slam
That would get a poet beat, slammed
And Don't Flop ain't banning us
I could give you the left, or the right, they're both bangers
You could hit the gym, it won't matter
Cause when you wear a t-shirt
The t-shirt looks like it's still on the coat hanger
Yeah
Harry Baker
Howdy neighbour
Nah I'm joking
Just cause you wrote a book of puns doesn't mean you wrote the book of puns
No-one gives a shit what Baker's punning
Cause all the Don't Flop fans love my puns
Just Baker's doesn't
So you wanna play a game of puns?
You think mine is weak?
My pun game is Dr Jekyll in a turban
N***a that's Hyde and Sikh!
Should I continue?
He'll probably break down the word continue
But that doesn't make you talented
That just shows that's the cunt in you
That's why I'm cunting you
Cause those schemes and Office bars
Are something stupid cunt teens use (Juan)
Yo
I'm not gonna fuck up again
Cause this is the event at the end
The old Soljitsu is dead
The one that doesn't prep
This is freestyle off the top of my head
And he said that, he meant that, I'm putting that to bed
And if you don't believe me, just remember, that's what I said
Cause that's what I meant
Cause that's what I wrote
Cause that's what I read
And no I didn't throw it away
That's what I kept
Merry Christmas
