[EDDIE]
"Exposé,"
Cries the U-S-A
And the hypocrites keep low
Nothing in the Bill of Rights
Supersedes the public's right to know
Where there's a scandal on the rise
I'll be around to scrutinize
Printing the facts behind the lies --
That's the beat for me!

"Have you heard?"
Sings a little bird
Who whispers in my ear
Some movie star was spotted at a Motel 6
With a well known mouseketeer!
Celebrity heros, clean as wax
Or hollywood nymphomaniacs?
America need to know the facts --
That's the beat for me!
(to a group of entering secretaries)
You're late!

[SECRETARIES, spoken]
Sorry!
[EDDIE]
Colleagues sometimes call me trash
Hey, sometimes I agree
Give me psycho killer moms
And I'm in ecstasy!
All the dirt that's fit to fling:
That's my strategy!
Secret desires of man and wife
Private affairs and public strife
Tamer than Playboy but bigger than LIFE --
That's the beat for me!

[Josh enters.]

[JOSH, spoken]
Eddie Flagrante?

[EDDIE, spoken]
Coffee! No sugar, no cream. Black, black, black!
I want something strong and ancient. I wanna taste the grounds, you got me?

[JOSH, spoken]
No, but that's not why...

[EDDIE, spoken]
Oh, yeah! And a donut... something with sprinkles would be nice
[JOSH, spoken]
Mr. Flagrante, don't you remember me? Josh, from Enrico Fermi High!

[EDDIE, spoken]
Oh, yeah! Cub reporter for the 'Fermi Gazette
Hey, kid, I wanted to thank you for the dirt on that hood who took the dive into the nuclear plant!
Great story, huge story! Important, tragic, passionate, and off the stands by noon

[JOSH, spoken]
Well, it ain't over yet. He's back!

[EDDIE, spoken, & SECRETARIES]
He's back? What are you talking about? He's dead
(Colleagues sometimes call him trash)
He was buried at sea, in international waters!
(Sometimes he'll agree)

[JOSH, spoken]
He's come back from the dead!
(Give him)
Jonny Warner is a nuclear zombie!
(Psycho killer moms)

[EDDIE, spoken, & SECRETARIES]
A teenage nuclear zombie!
(And he's in ecstasy)
Are you serious about this?
(All the mud that's fit to fling)
[JOSH, spoken]
Would I make this up?

[EDDIE, spoken, & SECRETARIES]
I smell paydirt!
(That's his strategy)
Hey, you wanna be a reporter, right, kid?
(Secret desires of man and wife)
Well, what are you waiting for?
We got us a story to crack!
(Private affairs and public strife)

[ALL]
Tamer than Playboy but bigger than LIFE --

[EDDIE]
That's the beat for me, yeah!

[JOSH, SECRETARIES & COPY BOYS]
Warts and all
Who's the man to call
When a story rears its head?

[EDDIE, spoken]
Me! Me! Me!

[JOSH, SECRETARIES & COPY BOYS]
Senators and prostitutes and prison guards...

[EDDIE, spoken]
And now the walking dead!

[JOSH, SECRETARIES & COPY BOYS, spoken]
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[EDDIE]
"Lovesick Senior in the Green," huh?

[JOSH, SECRETARIES & COPY BOYS, spoken]
Naw!

[EDDIE]
Nah, "The Miracle of the Toxic Teen?"

[JOSH, SECRETARIES & COPY BOYS, spoken]
Yeah!

[ALL]
All in Exposé Magazine --

[EDDIE & REST]
That's the beat for...
Me!
(Doot doot doot doot, doot doot, doot doot)
Biddly, diddly, diddly, biddly, bop!

[ALL]
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!