[Skit: Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, Justin Bieber]
Hi. We're the guys who make the SNL Digital Shorts. I'm Andy
I'm Jorma
And I'm Justin Bieber!
(Akiva!)
Gesundheit
Tonight we're celebrating our 100th short. So come with us, won't you?

[Verse 1: Andy Samberg, with Jorma Taccone & Justin Bieber]
Congratulations!
To us, to us
Truly a major milestone (Haha)
A celebration! (Yes!)
Of us, of us
So here's what we're going to do
Gonna shake off the cobwebs and limber up
And stretch it out and do plenty of Pilates
'Cause tonight, tonight we're gonna suck our own dicks

[Interlude: Justin Bieber, Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone]
Wait, what?
What?
That's disgusting!
No, it's not
Hey, look, it's Shy Ronnie and Reba!
[Verse 2: Kenan Thompson, Andy Samberg]
It's a celebration and we're going to party
Y'know we getting naughty
Take it Shy Ronnie
(Mumbling)
I'm a dude
Ronnie, bitch, and I'll rip you ass open!

[Verse 3: Andy Samberg & Jorma Taccone, Justin Bieber, all three, Kenan Thompson]
We've done the creep and punched people before eating
We've done things in our pants that don't bear repeating(No)
Tonight, they're gonna suck their own dicks
I'm Reba!

[Interlude: Andy Samberg, Justin Bieber]
Excuse I!
What is happening?

[Verse 4: Julian Casablancas, Andy Samberg]
So shoot your laser cats and let your boombox pound
Raise up our glasses and
Throw it on the ground!
Alcohol is poison, man!
Take it, Mahmoud

[Verse 5: Andy Samberg]
Huh, yeah
Body Fuzion lady
[Verse 6: Justin Timberlake, Andy Samberg, both]
It ain't over
We put our junk in so many places (Like where)
Each other's mothers and these floral vases (On sale)
And now they're takin' them out of their boxes (Yeah)
And puttin' them all up into our Faces (Let's go)
Dear Sister, ate Lettuce, and the Japanese Office
Had a Cherry Battle and [?] like bosses
Peyton and Horsen, they happen every Saturday
Pee-wee hit Anderson, just ask Natalie

[Verse 7: Natalie Portman, Justin Timberlake with Andy Samberg]
Yeah I had a baby (What!)
But I'm still crazy (Uh!)
Show my ass respect
But I make that fucking gravy (Peace!)
Jonah kissed a dad
And Gaga was golden (Tender-roni)
Ridin' on a boat with my man Michael Bolton


[Verse 8: Michael Bolton, Jon Hamm, Usher]
Jack Sparrow
(Sergio)
Tortuga
Hey, I've never been in a digital shorts
But these white boys are obsessed with their dicks
[Verse 9: Justin Bieber, Will Ferrell]
Well, I was tricked into doing this
I don't endorse this song
No no no no no no
Yes yes yes
I do endorse this song
My name is Will Ferrell and I'm sucking my own dong
Cheerleaders, Harry Caray, Jeopardy
I pleasure myself
Congratulations to me

[Skit: Andy Samberg, Will Ferrell]
Hey, come on man, this is our thing
Three Best Of's count 'em bitch
Get out of here
Fine! I'll go by my own choice
(Take us home now)

[Chorus: All, Justin Timberlake & Natalie Portman]
One-hundred digital shorts (Not-not-not ninety-nine!)
It was obvious it'd build into this (Hell yeah!)
And all of them were written by Lorne (Lorne Michaels)
So tonight we're sucking our own dicks

[Outro: Andy Samberg & Michael Bolton]
One hundred times
One fucking hundred times