Now I'm up here, Sittin’ on a shelf
Santa's little Elf, just spying IRL
My job be like: “Make sure that these kids behave, and don't…
Whine or fight or curse!" (There’s a Limit)

But at night, when all the lights are down
I wander ‘round this house
Stealin' whiskey by the ounce
And I'ma be laughin, out demonically, as I
Blow off steam from work! (Wait a minute)

I'm rollin', in the cat nip
On the sofa, doin' backflips…
While changing all your tablets
To Spanish to Spanish (ahhh)
Got in a snowball fight, with daddy's medication! (ahhh)

Because, I'm tiny! (I’m so tiny!)
Small but I’m feisty! (Mild Spicy!)
Spray me with Pam, while my shirt is unbuttoned
Gettin a' tan in the Microwavе oven
My legs are wiry (I’m so wiry!)
Party likе Miley, (Lit nightly)
Three lines of flour, do ‘em like a rockstar
While doin' donuts, in remote controlled cars!
Everyday, I watch over the kids
If you bein' naugh-ty, I'ma strike you off the List
I wanna hear, “please & thank you”, or I promise
Some coal will be your gift! (Global Warming)
I can listen anywhere ya go
If you say a bad word, Santa’s gonna know…
Then I'm gonna, treat your bowl of Rice Krispies, like a
Chuck E. Cheese, ball pit! (Swimmin' In it)

Cuz night time, I'm a big stud
With Barbie, givin' backrubs
The Crock Pot, is our hot tub
Til sun up, til sun up (Ahhh)
Why do ya think I'm always smirkin' by the window? (Yow!)

Because, I'm tiny! (I'm so tiny)
Tweet out your diary! (stop crying!)
Hide in the shower, right behind the soap set
Learned that your mama, was a natural brunette
Because, I'm tiny! (I'm so tiny)
Never defy me (I'm so fiery)
Caught G.I. Joe, actin' way outta pocket
I took his arm, ripped it out of it's socket (No problem)

Shelf that Elf, baby
Looking swell, in my all red felt, baby
Tattle tell, for Papa Noel, daily!
Can ya tell? Santa pays me well, lately
Ohhh, yeah!
Shelf that Elf, baby
Parallel, to the Bratz bombshell, "Jade"-y
Never dwell, cuz this Elf raise hell, baby!
If you're jel', go and Elf yourself, maybe?
Oh, because I'm tiny! (I'm so tiny)
Come kiss my heiny! (small heiny)
Chugged maple syrup & I'm feeling alright
Twerkin with Barbie, along to Silent Night
Because, I'm tiny (so tiny)
Senses like Spidey! (Elf Spidey)
Don't ever touch me, that is Rule Number One
Cuz if you do, then my Magic is Done. (It's Done)