[Verse]
Worst case of puberty I've ever seen
Hair busting out of his pants since the age of 13
Half animal and half man
When he takes a shit
Only half falls into the can
The rest gets caught in his anal pubes
Living with perpetual stench
There's nothing he can do
We used to kick his ass in middle school
We said "Come on dude, you've got the pubes of doom"

[Chorus]
You can only do so good of a job
Wiping your ass
You've got the pubes of doom
Improper hygiene eternally plagues you
Come on dude
You'vе got the pubes of doom

[Verse]
He's triеd waxing, shaving, electrolysis
But there's a voodoo force within his anal abyss
Squatting on the toilet for hours
Tempting suicide as he inhales
The sour stench of his bowels
Dingleberries the size of chestnuts on the sides of his ass
Permanently stuck
Larger and larger the fecal marbles become
Catastrophic shit-stones take over
The pubes of doom have won
[Chorus]
You can only do so good of a job
Wiping your ass
You've got the pubes of doom
Improper hygiene eternally plagues you
Come on dude
You've got the pubes o-