Have you ever been part of
A criminal conspiracy?
It really is incredible fun
Once the boring paper work is done
A man could get used to it
Have you ever had posters
That seemed to watch you
When you were sleeping?
I found them all underneath the sink
Drunk and conferring

One drink for the limits of battleships
Two drinks for the limits of coal
Three drinks for the pilots
One drink for the limits of battleships
Two drinks for accountants

Have you every known anyone
Who could wear a hat indoors
Without guns or bodyguards
To impress on the bare-headed hoards
That the choice was a reasonable one?
Have you ever been wound up
To the point of prison food?
So far, so tame
Everybody has a prick in the game
But have you ever been to bed with Elaine?
One drink for the limits of battleships
Two drinks for the limits of coal
Three drinks for the pilots
Four drinks for the permanent residents
Five drinks on the golf course
No drinks for the enemy combatants
No drinks for the door-staff
No drinks for the tireless testers
No drinks

It's only the way of the world, I have heard
It's only the way of the world

He shook like a liars tongue
He shook like a liars tongue
An old colonial snack
With pastry on his arm
And it burns like writer's block
It burns like writer's block
But there's no girls on the team
No girls on the team
He shook like a liars tongue
He shook like a liars tongue
An old colonial snack
With pastry on his arm
And it burns like writer's block
It burns like writer's block
But there's no girls on the team
No girls on the team
It burns