[Jean Grae]
This is Courtney. Every day, Courtney wakes up, brushes her teeth, and eats breakfast before heading off to work.
Because she has zero friends.
Courtney drives her to work. Which is always a breeze, because Courtney never gets stuck in traffic. Fate would never allow Courtney to be in anything somewhat close to a social gathering. Because, like everyone else, fate hates Courtney.
Courtney gets to work and is greeted by a note on her computer. It's a list of things that need to be done. It's much easier for her boss to leave a note because, let's face it, it's just kinda awkward talking to Courtney. I mean, she's great at her job but it's obviously because she has nothing else going for.
When Courtney gets home, she feeds her magical talking fish. He's never once stopped to say "thank you." He never says anything. He'd hate to get trapped in a long, boring conversation with Courtney. And who can blame the poor magical fish?
Today is Courtney's birthday! And, like every birthday, Courtney celebrates by baking herself the most beautiful, delicious chocolate cake. Then, she eats the whole thing all by herself.
Which explains why she's so fat.
Before heading off to bed, Courtney brushes her teeth again. And when it comes to Courtney, that's pretty much as exciting as it gets.
Courtney tucks herself into bed.
"Goodnight, car. Goodnight, work. Goodnight, fish. Goodnight, cake. Goodnight, world," whined Courtney as she drifted to sleep.
Goodnight, Courtney. Better luck tomorrow.

[Outro, Courtney's Theme: Quelle Chris]
Courtney, this world is unfair
You should not feel so down
Courtney, you try not to care
You'll turn the day around