1.. 2..
1.. 2.. ready.. Go!

Walking back from my place, she seems happy
Nothing in the wind to keep me down
Got a package in the mail
Could it be my holy grail?
A poking implement to rule all the tools with inferior fuels!

“What’s that you got there in your pocket?”
She asked as we walk into the mall
Eyes widen as I show the seventeen-inch dynamo
That rolls out when I flip the switch and keeps growing
And growing and growing

I said, “Hey!, why is everybody runnin’ for their life?”
It’s just my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife
It’s my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife


My grandfather turns to me and says
“Let’s go down in metaphoric history.”
Because... he never had a grandfather
But if I did, I’m sure that he’d be proud
Of a loud-browed son-of-a-cow
Who can wield a blade the way that I do


I said, “Hey!, why is everybody runnin’ for their life?”
It’s just my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife
It’s my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife


Is there an issue bring weapons into this particular bank?
I was escorted out and there’s only one thing to thank, and
It’s my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife
It’s my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife

There is an apple farmer lifting all the Pilgrims
From their huts to find the weather only half as satisfying as before
And as an answer, he says, ” Run to me, my daughters, have a
Crispish red delicious, the least truthful of the apples
Say it again and run to me. Say it again, I’m not myself
Say it again and run to me. Say it again, I’m not myself
Say it again and run to me. Say it again, I’m not myself
I’m not myself

1 2 3 4!

I said, “Hey!, why is everybody runnin’ for their life?”
It’s just my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife
It’s my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife

I said, “Hey!, why is everybody runnin’ for their life?”
It’s just my AA Tragedy Controlled Ergonomic Wife
It’s just my AA Battery Controlled Telescopic Knife