[Intro, spoken]
Throughout recorded history, philosophers have queried:
Am I a person, or am I a brand?
Luckily, in our modern world, we no longer need to choose between these two sublime options
But full coordination of your personhood and your branding can be... challenging
And that's why I'm here to help turn your humanity into your hu-brand-ity
Hello
I'm Hugh Brandity
Welcome to my seminar entitled "Building Your Online Brand."

[Sung]
A brand is your soul's own work of art
You can never go wrong if you follow your heart
Assuming your heart's obsessed with what is best
And what's best is anything that can give you a following

Your brand can range from simple to obtuse
Do you bake fancy cakes or do you rate hot moose?
It's not incorrect if you expect to always collect
Views when you stay on brand!

[Spoken]
You see a brand is much like a flower
In that it stinks and takes its own path
If you think you know how it will grow
Then you've never tasted nature's wrath
Say you've mentioned offhand that you enjoy
Ice cream sandwiches on a hot cruise
Expect some tweets about ice cream sandies every time they're in the news

People saying "Sandies are on sale!"
"I love sandies, too!"
"Sandies in the mail!"
"Made some sandies, Hugh!"
There is no escaping from the

Ice cream sandwich din
Everywhere I go
When did it begin?
This pain that I know
Seems it has been shaping from the

Simplest of things
Didn't give a second thought
And the repercussions came too soon
And that's why you must contemplate building a brand
By musing in a brand cocoon

[Sung]
Let your brandity brand cocoon slowly accrete
Because your holometabolous is nearly complete
When you venture from here you'll know no fear!
Everything is clear
Your brand is all consuming once it has its premiere
So get ready, you'll soon be so much more
Let's hope your branded existence is not one you abhor
Open your eyes!
And arise!
Make a stand!
And reveal your brand

[Spoken: Karen & Brian]
I teach rodent fitness classes on Periscope now
Another brand successfully built
I do unboxing videos for past a brands now
I do wholesome pranks on my elderly neighbor now
I do equine fashion reviews
I take artistic photos of myself spilling cans of beans now
I knit scarves for ferrets now
I respond to tweets from elected officials with pictures of my son bowling now