Are you looking for a new bed? Well, you're in luck. Because I have one. And I wanna sell it to you.

Please buy my bed. Nothing bad has ever happened on it.

It's a beautiful twin bed with a brushed metal frame.

Ain't nothin' bad eva' happened on this bed!

Do you like to sleep? I do too. But not on this bed anymore, 'cuz I want you to have it!

Please buy my bed.

Just buy my bed!

Ain't nothin' bad eva' happened on this bed, I'm talkin' no felonies.

Sex, on this bed? Never heard of it. What is it? No one has ever explained it to me.

Please buy my bed!

Hey, psst! You like this bed? Well, guess what? I got two of 'em! Cause of... circumstances.

Stack 'em on top your old bed! I'm like a frickin' princess and the pea up here, 'cept the only thing keeping me up at night is that I got two beds I can't sell.

Just buy my bed.
Hey Laura, are these good beds?

[Laura]
They're good beds!

Ain't nothing bad eva' happened on it.

Laura keeps asking for these beds because they such good beds, but I don't let her near beds anymore because... *OMINOUS HUM*

[Laura]
I like to smoke cigars on beds!

*snores* Buy my bed.

Hey look, man. I ain't never showed this to nobody before but I got this weird birthmark and it spells out somethin' that I didn't realize was important until right now. Sandra.

Buy my bed!

I need this bed out of my house by Tuesday, because on Tuesday I'm havin' a potluck. And I can't have people comin' to my potluck askin' why the hell there's two BEDS against the wall! Can you IMAGINE the questions?

[Laura]
Hey, uh, why d'you have two beds?

How embarrassing!

Buy my beeeeeeeeeeeeeee- *techno remix of Brian yelling "bed"* -eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!
It's just a green screen, ain't nothing bad eva' happened on these beds.

Peeeeew! Peeeew! Buy my beeeeed please....

Just buy my bed!

Excuse me, buy my bed!

Ring ring, hello? Buy my bed.

Just buy my bed!

Ohhhh no, please just buy my bed

Hup! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Buy my bed!

Knock knock, what time is it? Oh, It's 4:16. Buy my bed.