Well, I bought a Christmas tree
And then I smoked it
Santa wiggled down the chimney and he toked it
I put the cookies in the oven
Put the whiskey in the milk
Put the record on repeat until we broke it

Well a dandy little Santa came scootin down my chimney
Took one look a the kid
Said "yo what's that you hittin, b?"
You must be shittin' me
It ain't no mystery, so man I'm passin' him the Christmas tree

(Chorus)
Falalalala Christmas is dynamite
And Santa is the bomb
All y'all can take a hike
Cuz he's the only homie
I would ever let kiss my mom

I bought a mistletoe but I didn't have a lady
Hey Santa man, I need a favor can you save me?
Lo and behold, my man was on point
Santa brought a model and a bottle and a joint

So I smoked the joint, got rejected
Drank until I thought I dreamt it
Threw up in the morning it was gingerbread and lemon scented
The party was tight, naughty and nice
Twisted as a candy cane laced with cinnamon spice
(Chorus)

I never thought about the Easter Bunny much
But Santa says he rolls a wicked honey dutch
He also said that he should keep his stinkin' paws
Far from the vicinity of me and Mrs. Claus

So be gone you freakin' wannabe
String you up on Christmas Eve
You carrot eatin' coward don't you ever fuckin' step to me
You best believe I got the recipe for the rabbit stew
Cut you into tiny pieces bro your holiday is through

(Spoken)
Oh no Kev, I was just joking man, no he's cool. I do appreciate you having my back though, let's sing together

(Chorus)