[Verse 1: Nalyd Ecitsuj]
Expect this out of me I'm suppose to be a nobody!
But here I am, Let's get it
There ain't no rest for the wicked
And their ain't no arrest for the sickened
My intensity is more thickened from the last track
I'm nasty like a holocaust snack
I'm concrete ass, Which means I'm AKA Kardashian fat
Alien came in a butt
Chloroplast dripping from a crack
I'm flabbergasted Jack
Whoa, Wheres my cranium at?
My daughter is fat, Burn calories by beating her with an aluminum bat
I'm scared, I'm lonely
African kids want me for my bologna
To make a sandwich for Kony
Masturbating alone and slowly
Crusty jizz is sticky, I'm coming glue
Mailing it to Elmer's glue
Then I'm gonna stick it to you
Don't be scared babe, Please don't misconstrue
Let my cockatoo give your vage lips an interview
Oh Shit, Take your pick
My friend said vajayjay was suppose to taste like Long John's
But it taste like barbeque chips
I must be sick from all this rum
Tweeting with the hashtag ,STICK IT IN THE BUM
Until it goes numb with my pinky nub like my Mom's Cosmo book, told me to do hun
I'm redundant call me Linkin Park
I can only sleep when it is completely dark
Constipated because I hold inside my farts
I'm surprised you're still interested in the song
My i.d is Mr. Stretchmarks
Like an extra large thong
Looking for Mr. Right? Didn't you hear?
I'm the definition of Mr. Wrong you queer
I'm from West Virginia so I'm aware of the horror of a wrong turn
I don't experience the burn, I'm a water elemental
My mixtape is so monumental, But this shit was all accidental
I did this shit out of boredom when I was told I was a nobody
I'm a nobody?
But you're listening to my voice!
Not the other way around
Dumb!
At this rate I should have bent myself over backwards and to give myself a pounding before I spun
Eating my own ass
Dodging class in the bathroom stall an
Passing up the flask like I even got a hobby
Walk into Palentine Records lobby
Security is tight like a dolphins butt
Gotta get my track on air even if this track sounds like filler
To make up time
I once flicked my balls in my sack, I'm almost out of breath
Hey Roy is this the end of the track?
What?
No it's not let's call it a wrap
Well I'll come in the booth and suck myself like 2 Pack
Until I think of something Jack
GOD DAMN I already said Jack
Apparently I'm a sap
On and off crack so bad that I'm calling Skylar, Zack
Bring the instrumental back
Either way it's Blackwell
Flat billed hats from my past
Pointless I've never failed
Or even touched the canvas
Battle me and you're getting nothing but damage
Outlandish, I wanna get stuck in your head until you can't stand this
Until you can't bare to look
Accelerated reader but I ain't never touched a book
Peeped on my crush Erin Lanigan
I'll do it again
I ain't scared to look
Moby Dick. Adobe Nook
Rest in peace to Ryan Dunn
Give his lifeless carcass a dirty hook
Don't be offended
It's what he would have wanted
Made twelve dollars at the lunch table because I snorted
Pop Rocks
Pop-Tarts in my toaster
Poke a hole in my Hawaiian tropic poster
And I came on that bikini girl's shoulder
I don't remember her name
I just liked her for her ascetics
I always wear pants, I'm afraid of my prosthetics
I'm as fresh as Niko Bellic's wardrobe..Fuck it. It's pathetic
I wanted to write a tell all mixtape
But I went outside
Found a football and chucked it
Shit, this beat is triumphant
I feel like my dick is as big as an elephant trunk it
Pump it like a shake weight
Went vegan, gave up when I seen my first milkshake
Makes my ass jiggle, Everywhere I tickle
I'm an easy target
Where is the supermarket
SUPER CLUB!
Applaud me that was witty
Suck on Amy Renfro's titties
Going once, Going twice, Going three times
Employee of the month again
Permanent mark it
Out my 81' Honda where I parked it
Swagged out
Rated X!
...It's like I'm showing my dick
Showing clits...Nice tits

(Instrumental plays)

[Outro: Vince Downey/Dax Shepard & Dane Cook Movie Clip]

Vince: Who do you think she would rather be with?
Some little lowly box-boy who fell ass backwards into a job title
Or King Dick!
Head cashier and winner of Southwest Regional Speed Ring competition

Zack: Hmm, let me think about that for a second
I would say.. (interrupted by Vince)

Vince: THE ANSWER IS ME! Head cashier, Smartass!
I Got Bad news bro. Game over
I'd watch my back if I was you!

Zack: Were

Vince: Huh?

Zack: Were you

Vince: Watch out

[Instrumental plays out]