VII. The Lucid Dreamer

Last weekend I was high for the 1st time in my entire life and I found myself less stressed and I was utterly baffled at how my worries and self-deprecating short cummings I feel every single day so easily faded away and seeped into my skin without being acknowledged as if my concerns were like black paint slowly drying on a cool summer evening. The euphoria which overtook my body was so liberating,I have never truly felt carefree and weightlessness like I did that night. My inner thoughts of subliminally trying to prove myself to the girl I love were no longer a priority. I dislike the fact I am trying to prove myself to her when I know confidently she has zero interest in me but I guess my life is a movie

I had a dream about her

She was waking me up, She said “Dylan, I love you.” “Dylan, the sun is out” “I watched the sunrise through the blind of our window as I held you close” In this dream of marijuana smoke and some far-fetched fantasy I felt so happy and content

This dream was so real

I felt like for once I made someone believe in me. I remember looking into her face and crying because I had never been more happy in my life

It was bliss, It was perfect, It was the way things should be but then I awoke in an odd slumber. I was in a small empty bedroom on the floor, I stood up and I was no longer higher than the trees and rambunctious as the bees. I was my worst nightmare, I seen reality and for once I made myself resent every decision I’ve ever made to make her hate me. I blamed the high,I blamed the butterfly wings for altering what might have ultimately changed the course of how things could have been. I remember looking into the mirror and crying because I had never been more sad in my life