[Intro]
2, 3, 4

[Verse 1]
Now, listen up, you know, ya come home from that nine-to-five and lay yourself down on that burgundy couch, you know, it never really was burgundy
It was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler and now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your butt every time you get off of it
You never tell your family, you never tell your family because, you know, ol' Junior, he's got no brains, and what can you do? What can you do?

[Chorus]
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them cans of swine

Ha ha ha! Yes, Dad's an idiot alright!

[Verse 2]
Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you. You had to have that two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park that goddamn boat in it. If it wasn't for the boat [?]

[Chorus]
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them cans of swine

Yeah, cans of swine
I like cans of swine
I-I mean like cans of swine
Not like Kansas wine
[Outro]
Well, maybe it's something simpler, you know, like your team lost or your girlfriend used to be a guy, you know, I don't know. I mean...(blah blah blah)