[Verse 1]
I got arrested at Coachella, my mom and I both changed our hair
My stalker broke into my house, camouflaging myself into a chair
Mind-blowing conspiracy theories, my brother kidnapped my wife (she freaked out)
Wrapped in a hundred rolls of duct tape, I draw my life

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Will it taco? We need to talk
I'm pregnant, we broke up, my boyfriend does my make up
Why I left BuzzFeed, no sugar for a week

[Chorus]
It's just my average weekend, nothing out of place
I live just like you, but with a camera in my face
So sneak into my house and see the crazy world surrounding me
'Cause there's no one else you'd rather be
And please accept my apology

[Verse 2]
Finding out I can never run again, we had to go to the emergency room
I have a rare disease and it almost killed me, I'm shaving my eyebrows soon
We actually got married, why did you think this would work?
I am afraid of you, animals can be jerks

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Will it taco? We need to talk
I'm done, she left me, I stole my brothers puppy
I didn't look in the mirror for 5 days
My friends tried to get me laid
[Chorus]
It's just my average weekend, nothing out of place
I live just like you, but with a camera in my face
So sneak into my house and see the crazy world surrounding me
'Cause there's no one else you'd rather be
And please accept my apology

[Bridge]
A very emotional message from the grave
Finally telling the truth
This shouldn't be possible!
Can my cat see ghosts?

[Chorus]
It's just my average weekend, nothing out of place
I live just like you, but with a camera in my face
So sneak into my house and see the crazy world surrounding me
'Cause there's no one else you'd rather be
And please accept my apology