Working out, losing weight
Maybe using tanning spray
Becoming more attractive in general

Reading more, watching less
Learning all the rules for chess
Becoming somewhat smarter in general

Eating fish, not fingernails
Volunteer to save the whales
Becoming a better guy in general

Saving more, spending less
Yes, I will wax my chest
Dating more girls in general

But not this year
No, this year is different
As different as a gazelle
Yes, a gazelle from a deer
After all these failed resolutions
My future is clear, the future is near

Just forget those resolutions you
Know that you are never gonna do
And adopt a more realistical view
By committing to things that come easily to you
Like eat at least one value meal a week
Or put the correct shoes on the correct feet
Just raise the bar to walk effortlessly underneath
Just face the fact you've always thought
Those resolutions don't mean squat
And settle into a more comfortable spot
Embrace all the things you know you are not
Hit the snooze, roll over, then repeat
Make large purchases, then lose the receipts
Just raise the bar to walk effortlessly underneath