[Chorus: Both]
I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what's
In the dark that I cannot see
Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark
So dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark

[Verse 1: Rhett, Link & Both]
There might be a ghost in the dark
That's pretty unlikely
But there definitely could be a slippery spot
And that's arguably even more frightening
There might be a sudden level change
Like an unexpected step down
Your foot is still up in the air
When your brain thought it'd be on the ground by now
There might be some fungus
Cause they like it where it's dark and moist
Wait, are we talking about mushrooms?
Athlete's foot, but you make a good point
Cause some mushrooms are deadly
And in the dark I might be fooled
But it's not like you have to eat it
But you know how much I love mushrooms

[Chorus: Both]
I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what's
In the dark that I cannot see
Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark
So dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark
[Verse 2: Link, Rhett & Both]
There could be two fractions in the dark
And they need to be added together
But I don't remember how to add fractions
And I don't have a calculator
There might be a jury summons
And it says you got to go in on your birthday
Gonna have to look at murder photos
While I'm trying to enjoy my ice cream cake
There could be a brand new home
Congratulations!
But they started fracking at the edge of my neighborhood
And now my home is depreciating
What if there's a blank canvas
Where do I even start?
And is it even worth the risk? Who am I?
Should I go back to law school?

[Chorus: Both]
I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what's
In the dark that I cannot see
Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark
So dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark

[Outro]
Maybe this isn't such a good idea
But there's Boba on the other side
We gotta ride the tuck
Ride the tuck for the Boba