[Intro: Link & Rhett]
How did we get ourselves into this situation?
Pitily divided over wheel orientation

[Verse 1: Link & Rhett]
You look like you stepped in the glue
And then stepped on some toddler's skateboard
But at least you're not a toddler
'Cause they annoy me a lot more
And you look like a rejected extra
From that movie Battlefield Earth
But at least you're not a scientologist
'Cause, man, they are the worst

[Pre-Chorus: Rhett & (Link)]
Sure, there are some differences between you and me
(You're not as cool as me)
But we share something that makes us unique

[Chorus: Both]
We've got wheels
That makes us better
Why judge each other
When we can judge everybody else together?
We've got wheels
That's how we roll
And everyone else
Is a butthole
People without wheels are buttholes
[Verse 2: Both, Rhett & Link
We shouldn't waste our lives
Living as roller discriminators
When I think we can both agree
That we absolutely hate ice skaters
Look at them with their frilly clothes
And their skates that will not roll
We should herd 'em into ice skating camps
And never let them go

[Pre-Chorus 2: Both]
Sure, compared to me, you are inferior
But compared to the rest of the world, we are superior

[Chorus: Both]
We've got wheels
That makes us better
Why judge each other
When we can judge everybody else together?
We've got wheels
That's how we roll
And everyone else
Is a butthole
People without wheels are buttholes

[Outro: Both]
People without wheels are buttholes