[Verse 1: Rhett and Josh]
I was makin' my rounds at Splashytown
Y'know, the indoor waterpark
Shuttin' down the endless waves
Dead of night pitch dark
Just to clarify, I'm a security guard, not a lifeguard who stayed too late
My weapon is a pool noodle

[Pre-Chorus: Rhett and Josh]
A glint of light pierced the night
I saw some popcorn bro
Scooped it up and tossed it back
It was teeth, I don't know
It was teeth, I don't know
It was teeth I don't know (Just to clarify, I did know they were teeth, I just didn't know who's teeth they were)

[Chorus: Rhett and Link]
Who left these teeth?
Who needs them now?
Who's sitting on the couch
Gumming on some crunchy chow
Ooh!

[Spoken: Link]
Me, I'm eating peanut brittle, and I'm fed up
You see, I lost my teeth earlier today in a fight at a water park
Called Splashytown
I'm gonna break into Splashytown tonight, right now
[Verse 2: Link and Rhett]
I'm reaching the slide that runs outside
I'm gumming an entrance hole
Reaching the spot where my teeth got knocked
To get the teeth that I know
Teeth that he knows
Teeth that he knows!

[Spoken: Link and Josh]
What was that? Felt like a pool noodle!
It was a pool noodle
I'm the security guard, and that's my weapon
Well I was just looking for my teeth, man
You're looking for teeth?
Yeah, I lost 'em here in a battle with a man earlier today in this vicinity
That's an amazing coincidence, I recently found some teeth that I did not know
Lemme see 'em
Oh, yep, they're mine

[Chorus: Rhett and Link]
He left these teeth
He's got them now
No more sitting on the couch
Gumming on some crunchy chow
Ooh!
[Spoken: Link and Josh]
By the way, you know anything about a hole over in the slide?
Yeah, I gummed my way in that way
I'll also be leaving that way, you might wanna patch that up afterward