(Non-Music lyrics in **Bold**)
[Verse 1: Rhett and *Link*]
On the first day of 1st Grade
We were both held in from recess
'Cause we were both writing profanity on our desks
**I wrote hell!**
***I wrote damn!***
***But I spelled it d-a-m, so it technically wasn't a curse word...***
*But I think Mrs. Locklear knew my intentions...***
Our punishment was coloring unicorns
And that's when we became best friends
But equally as important
We never defaced public property again!
[Chorus]
So if you've got a kid who's
Writing obscene graffiti
Give him a picture of a mythical beast
And he will cease
To write profanity
Don't write profanity
[Verse 2: Rhett and *Link*]
**Now, this might seem like something cute we just wrote in a song**
**But it's actually true**
**It has been scientifically proven that you cannot formulate curse words while coloring pictures of mythical beasts.**
***Allow me to demonstrate***
***Ass-itote***
***Shi-ver me timbers***
***Fu-nnel cakes***
***Mo-ther fu-nnel cakes!***
**You see, it's mother fu-nnel cake-ing impossible**
[Outro]
So if you've got a kid
Who's writing obscene graffiti
Give him a picture of a mythical beast
And he will cease
To write profanity
Don't write profanity
Just color a mythical beast!