[Verse 1]
I don't believe that aliens have ever come to earth
And were buried in the desert by the feds
And I know that there is no tooth fairy flying around at night
Just loving parents putting money in those beds
But as for homoeopathy
Well it’s not my cup of tea
But on your right to believe I will insist
Because who's to say what's really real
Still I can’t help but feel
I wish the Guardian believed that I exist

[Chorus]
'Cause there's no such thing as a protest singer
We don't have none of those
No there's no such thing as a protest singer
We lost them when the mines all closed

[Verse 2]
Well, I know you miss the good old days of picket lines and flags
When the Specials and the Jam all ruled the charts
But if you're really looking for this generation's Billy Braggs
We're all here with a fire in our hearts
But we’re not on the radio
Because they don’t want to know
And by this point, it's really pretty clear
That the mainstream music press
They just couldn’t care less
But it's the Guardian keeps shouting we're not here
[Chorus]
Oh there's no such thing as a protest singer
We don’t have none of those
No there's no such thing as a protest singer
We lost them when the mines all closed

[Verse 3]
Well, I know you like to think that no one does it like you did
In 1989 the needle just got stuck
But just because the system's changed it doesn't mean you've got
The monopoly on giving a fuck
'Cause we're all unemployed
That housing market you've enjoyed
Is suspended by the renting of the youth
Well we've had our wages squeezed
Fifty grand tuition fees
But let me let you in on the unspoken truth:

[Bridge]
That there's no such thing as a protest singer, no it's a made-up thing
There's no such thing as a protest singer
'Cause there's politics in everything we sing

[Chorus]
Oh there's no such thing as a protest singer
We don't have none of those
No there's no such thing as a protest singer
We lost them when the mines all closed
[Outro]
You know there's no such thing as a protest singer
Against austerity
Oh there's no such thing as a protest singer
I can't find them in the NME
No, I can't find them in the NME